Thursday was my annual exam. I was excited for it if only because it was a chance to talk to my doctor about all this fertility nonsense and figure out what to do next, but my insurance would cover the visit because it was my yearly. I was less excited about the actual exam, but whatever.
I waited for at least 30-45 minutes for my doctor. I was eventually whisked in to an exam room and told to take off anything below the waist, etc. You all know the drill. I waited and froze a little (why are doctor’s offices so freaking cold?) until she finally showed up.
My doctor basically didn’t allow for questions at all. She told me my thyroid stimulating horomone is too high for pregnancy, but she won’t treat it. She also told me I need Clomid, but would not prescribe it at this visit. Apparently if I want the privilege of talking to her I need to schedule an “infertility consult,” which I’ll have to pay out of pocket. I bet I wait an hour for that to get 5 minutes with her wherein we have the same conversation, but I leave with a prescription for Clomid. Way to waste my time and money, lady. And I can’t get another appointment until June. Not that I should be trying to get pregnant since I’m in a new lab.
The final straw for me, though, was when the receptionist made me say infertility repeatedly and loudly when I was trying to schedule my appointment. I love the waiting room full of huge pregnant ladies looking at me like I’m pathetic. It’s not easy to say infertility out loud and it took all of my effort to not cry until I got to my car.
I aways knew I might have fertility problems, but to actually have a doctor start talking explicitly about Clomid and the expensive, never-ending infertility appointments is upsetting. And I don’t know what to do. I’d like to have a baby close to finishing my PhD (about 12 months?). And I really, really don’t know if I want Clomid. Sara has a friend who ended up having quintuplets, which I am terrified of. Frankly, twins sounds overwhelming. And Clomid won’t help me stay pregnant if she’s going to continue to refuse to treat my thyroid.
I just finished watching Thursday’s “Grey’s Anatomy” (don’t judge me, I used to want to be a doctor) and Meredith’s speech about hating Callie a little for getting pregnant so easily really spoke to me. It’s really hard not to feel that way and then you just feel like a bad person for thinking that. All of the fake April’s Fools pregnancies also really got on my last nerve too.
Well, I’m off to run my scheduled 10 miles (gulp!) and then I’ll probably pass out for the afternoon. I feel like this post is a hot mess, but it’s honest and that’s gotta count for something, right?
Anyone got a stupid joke to share? Funny story? I could use a laugh!
Advice is appreciated too.