Infertility is not a word you expect to hear at 25

Thursday was my annual exam.  I was excited for it if only because it was a chance to talk to my doctor about all this fertility nonsense and figure out what to do next, but my insurance would cover the visit because it was my yearly.  I was less excited about the actual exam, but whatever.

I waited for at least 30-45 minutes for my doctor.  I was eventually whisked in to an exam room and told to take off anything below the waist, etc.  You all know the drill.  I waited and froze a little (why are doctor’s offices so freaking cold?) until she finally showed up.

My doctor basically didn’t allow for questions at all.  She told me my thyroid stimulating horomone is too high for pregnancy, but she won’t treat it.  She also told me I need Clomid, but would not prescribe it at this visit.  Apparently if I want the privilege of talking to her I need to schedule an “infertility consult,” which I’ll have to pay out of pocket.  I bet I wait an hour for that to get 5 minutes with her wherein we have the same conversation, but I leave with a prescription for Clomid.  Way to waste my time and money, lady.  And I can’t get another appointment until June.  Not that I should be trying to get pregnant since I’m in a new lab.

The final straw for me, though, was when the receptionist made me say infertility repeatedly and loudly when I was trying to schedule my appointment.  I love the waiting room full of huge pregnant ladies looking at me like I’m pathetic.  It’s not easy to say infertility out loud and it took all of my effort to not cry until I got to my car.

I aways knew I might have fertility problems, but to actually have a doctor start talking explicitly about Clomid and the expensive, never-ending infertility appointments is upsetting.  And I don’t know what to do.  I’d like to have a baby close to finishing my PhD (about 12 months?).  And I really, really don’t know if I want Clomid.  Sara has a friend who ended up having quintuplets, which I am terrified of.  Frankly, twins sounds overwhelming.  And Clomid won’t help me stay pregnant if she’s going to continue to refuse to treat my thyroid.

I just finished watching Thursday’s “Grey’s Anatomy” (don’t judge me, I used to want to be a doctor) and Meredith’s speech about hating Callie a little for getting pregnant so easily really spoke to me.  It’s really hard not to feel that way and then you just feel like a bad person for thinking that.  All of the fake April’s Fools pregnancies also really got on my last nerve too.

Well, I’m off to run my scheduled 10 miles (gulp!) and then I’ll probably pass out for the afternoon.  I feel like this post is a hot mess, but it’s honest and that’s gotta count for something, right?

Anyone got a stupid joke to share?  Funny story?  I could use a laugh!

Advice is appreciated too.

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About Sarah S @RunningOnWords

Married 20-something in flux and trying to cope by running and occasionally crafting.
This entry was posted in Medical, Training, TTC. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Infertility is not a word you expect to hear at 25

  1. Ashley says:

    Hope your run went well! Sorry about the bad doctors experience 😦 Hopefully it will all work out okay..maybe try and find a new nicer doctor?

  2. Terri says:

    You know, my advice is worth absolutely nothing, since I do not know you at all except through reading your blog, but perhaps you might find a better relationship with another practitioner. It just seems (from reading your post) that this one isn’t taking your concerns seriously. And, yes, that’s none of my business, so that’s all I’ll say about it. 😦

  3. amanda says:

    I found out I had fertility issues at 23, so I sympathize. I had to do in vitro fertilization at 25. Ditch the gynocologist because she sounds like a bitch and her office help is, at best, lacking. It sounds like you are going to have some real issues keeping a pregnancy, so I would suggest finding a reproductive endocrinologist. My reproductive endocrinologist took half an hour to explain what was wrong with my body and what his plans were to get around my problems.

  4. Kara says:

    This guy walks into his doctor’s office wearing nothing but Saran wrap.

    His doctor looks up and says, “Well, I can clearly see that you’re nuts”

    Ok, all jokes aside, I have friends who have struggled to get pregnant. In fact, one of my biggest fears is not being able to have another baby and going through life hearing, “Well, at least you have one”. One of my running friends recently got pregnant (with one baby) after 3 years and she used Clomid. I think Clomid works well if you don’t have PCOS. But what do I know, I’m not a doctor. 🙂 You should really consider getting a second husband, but one in the military. They cover all that stuff, even IUI. 🙂

  5. Michelle says:

    I’m sorry about the bad doctor appointment. I wish doctors would be a bit nicer when dealing with infertility since it is already painful enough. Finding an RE will help! They are trained specifically in infertility and will have a much better bedside manner. Best of luck!

  6. Sara says:

    I’m thinking of you Sarah! I CANNOT imagine how you are feeling and I think getting your thyroid regulated will really help – are you seeing a specialist? I can recommend a really good one, if you want, just let me know. They talked to me about getting pregnant and possible infertility and I feel like I at least have information to go on.

  7. Pingback: Join the Movement | Running On Words

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