If you guys want something a little more upbeat, go check out my guest post at Kate Sullivan Blogs from yesterday! Kate is working on her healthy living journey and asked for some advice on how to get more consistent. Make sure you leave her some encouragement!
Alright, guys, we finally had to tell our parents, so I’m going to tell you what most of you already figured out:
Hang on, don’t stop reading here please, things are a lot more complicated than we thought.
So I went in to the doctor last Thursday (what we thought was the end of 5 weeks) for mild bleeding. They drew an HCG level, had me schedule for another one in 48 hours and did an ultrasound. The ultrasound only showed the gestational sac, which is behind for when I thought I ovulated, but the doctor said maybe my dates were off a little. I didn’t leave with a good feeling, but I went on my 4 day bedrest and waited.
Yesterday she called and told me while my HCG (the pregnancy hormone) is rising, it is no where near doubling. My Chinese doctor says she sees this a lot in her infertility patients and to relax. The Western doctor also told me she doesn’t expect to see anything on the follow-up ultrasound tomorrow. Meaning that if the ultrasound looks the same they will want to do either a D&C or give me a pill to make me abort.
These options suck especially since being the clever blogger I am, I googled it. According to a lot of web sites, HCG levels don’t necessarily double in 48 hours, especially as they get higher (and mine are appropriate). There are also a lot of cases of misdiagnosed miscarriage in women with uterine abnormalities. Normally, I wouldn’t think of myself as special, but during the ultrasound they also found that my uterus is most likely bicornuate (heart shaped), which has been indicated in making it harder to see things on the ultrasound. Also, this early can make it hard to see anything on the ultrasound.
So now I need to think through my options because if the doctor doesn’t see what she wants to tomorrow then the pressure to get an abortion (is it an abortion in this case?) on the spot will be quite high. We spent 14 months trying for this baby (and frankly had given up all hope after 12 months and the same doctor telling us I don’t ovulate). I feel like I owe this pregnancy the opportunity to miscarry on its own just in case, but the idea of waiting is making me crazy.
And truthfully, I’m not feeling super positive about the whole thing. The problem is that I’m so easily influenced by what people tell me that it kills any gut feeling other women say they have about these things. I just don’t know what to do and this helpless feeling is killing me. And everyone keeps saying G-d doesn’t throw things at us that we can’t handle, but honestly, I am past the point of what I can deal with. Way past.
And I got all this news the same day I developed morning sickness. I feel like my life is some kind of cosmic joke at this point. I hope you understand why I haven’t really been blogging or commenting lately. Because this is really the culmination of two weeks of life dumping shit on us and frankly, I don’t know how much more I can take.