Gained Lost: I gained 0.4 pounds this week, so I’m still down 3 pounds. I’m pretty ok with that because I don’t need to gain or lose right now.
Inches Gained (Waist): 0.25 inches this week, 1 inch total. The problem with waist measurements is they really won’t go up for a LONG time. Probably should have done hips instead. Oh well.
Nonsensical item baby is supposedly the size of: a california roll (the website that chose this comparison is an asshole), a fig (again, who has actually seen a whole one of these in real life?), a lime (if it’s not in my Corona, I don’t care)–has anyone noticed these are all very different sizes!?
Pregnancy Symptoms I’m supposed to expect according to TheBump.com
- Fatigue and nausea. Don’t worry, you should start to feel more like yourself soon.–The nausea is much improved since I threw up at the beginning of week 11. Except when I take my amoxicillin. Three miserable times a day.<—I wrote this on Sunday. Then the universe told me to screw off and I
puked my brains outworshipped the porcelain goddess Monday morning. It was so bad that my husband had to hold my hair back while I vomited uncontrollably. You know you picked the right man to father your children when he holds your hair back during morning sickness. Anyways, now I throw up daily. We’ve really got the pukingcookie tossing and clean up down to a science. The problem is that my throat is killing me from all the stomach acid and I can’t brush my teeth for a few hours because that would only make my throw up more. Oh, and today I dry heaved at work. The bathrooms at work are on a different floor, so that was exciting. This could get interesting (and very hard to hide) soon.
- Gas (like farting and burping — sorry!) Are you getting used to it?–Listen, I was always a little on the gassy side and I still think farts are hilarious. Anyways, I now have farts that startle my dogs and make husband flee the room. I like it. Last night he went screaming out of the bedroom while on the phone with his mom because I laid a stink bomb. Winner is me.
- Mood swings. Try some mind/body exercises, like yoga, to help you feel more Zen.–Who do you think you are to call me moody and tell me to try yoga! I will destroy you with fire! (Ok, maybe still a little moody. But if you point it out, I’ll probably rip your head off and attempt to poop down your neck).
- Leg cramps, which can strike at night and interfere with your sleep.–Nope. Surprisingly. I used to wake up all the time with horrible Charlie horses, but nothing so far in pregnancy.
- A dark line may have started to appear on your belly. It’s called the linea nigra and it’s totally normal during pregnancy.–Nope. I have old stretch marks, but those are just from being fat.
I’ve also still got the leukorrhea, dry skin, back pain, pink toothbrush, and round ligament pain. The back pain turns out to probably be a ligament thing according to Mandy, so I’m hoping it will get better instead of turning out to be my bad disc going crazy. Oh, and the bacne is ridiculous. I’ve had some facial acne the whole pregnancy, but the bacne is outta control, but since I can’t see my back I can’t get too upset. Or be bothered to wear a shirt at home.
In other news, I was diagnosed with a UTI and given amoxicillin last Thursday. I would take a dose and then get sick within two hours out of one or both ends. I finally called the doctor and said I couldn’t tolerate it. I was so dehydrated and miserable. They gave me macrobid instead, which only needs to be take 2x a day, meaning it’s a lot easier to just wait and take it after the puking passes (around 10AM I feel up to crackers). The bad news is you need a pretty full stomach with this stuff and I really only have that at dinnertime. So sick of antibiotics at this point, but I really needed them.
From the way everyone talks about 12 weeks, I just kind of assumed it was the end of the first trimester. WRONG! The first two trimesters are 14 weeks (I think) and the last is 12. Cause that makes sense. Anyways, from what everyone says about 12 weeks I expect a pink unicorn to show up and give me a shiny token that makes everything perfect and me a glowing baby bump. In magical 12 week land there’s no
puking ralphing or miscarriages and I will feel like a shiny, happy mom-to-be who just knows how to make everything work (so like 99% of mommy bloggers). Oh, and I believe the unicorn poops rainbows and chocolate.
I sure hope 12 weeks doesn’t turn out to be a letdown or anything. Cause with that kind of setup how could I ever be disappointed?
Edited to remove all uses of the word “puke” by special request.