1. I have an incredibly filthy mouth. I work pretty hard to keep it at least moderately clean on here (hi, parentals!), but in real life, I make sailors blush (it’s ok, I know you are judging me). To be fair, my first words were “fuck you”, so I might have had a bad example somewhere early in life. Also my father is a linguist, so I think bad language is a societal construct and any word can be a bad word, blah, blah, blah. Yes, I have been working on cleaning up the language with the baby on the way, but I struggle. I also make really inappropriate jokes a lot. Have you guys already figured this out and I’m just delusional?
2. I call everything small and female “Peanut” these days. The dog, my fetus, my friend’s baby, etc. It’s probably really annoying and I don’t know where it came from! I also feel guilty about it whenever I read Kat‘s blog because her baby goes by Peanut.
3. I used to have an anti-Semitic cat. I’m only half Jewish, so he didn’t do anything to me, but he used to hiss at any Jew who came in the house and if they got too close, he’d bite them. Weird cat. He now lives with my mother-in-law in Texas/NW Iowa (she takes him back and forth), so he’s safe since no self-respecting Hebrew would live in those places.
4. I think the Twilight books are just awful, but I’ve been to three of the four midnight premieres. I know I’m going to get pilloried for this, but I really don’t want my daughter reading those books and thinking that the Edward-Bella-Jacob relationships are healthy. That being said, I think I could design a brilliant drinking game around those movies, such as, “drink every time Robert Pattinson looks constipated”. You’d be trashed in 10 minutes.
5. I love cheesy historical fiction. Most history majors get their panties in a bunch over the inaccuracies, but I cannot get enough Philippa Gregory. I was stupid excited to read her latest book. And I’m totally loving it, even though she always gets the details wrong and she makes up the craziest backstories for real people.
6. I have not made it through a single pregnancy or parenting book. I just don’t find most of what those books say that exciting. The internet already tells me that my baby is drinking her own pee, so what else is there to know? I’ve studied development in graduate school, so I already know how that works. And, umm, I mean to read parenting books, but well, they are boring and I have ADHD.
7. I absolutely lost my temper on a pregnancy message board (I think we all knew that was coming). I told off some woman who said that people who are pro-vaccine haven’t done any research and just do whatever the doctor says. I mean, seriously lady? You are citing .coms and .nets and saying I haven’t done good research? Wench.
8. I have started using strange old-fashioned insults, especially when I’m driving. I called a friend a slattern and keep calling other drivers jackanapes. At least the baby won’t learns to call everyone a fuckstick (I’ve decided not to self edit this post as much as normal. Sorry, mom).
9. I hate feet. Like a pathological disgust of feet. I shadowed a neurologist for I think 6 weeks (I don’t remember anymore) and I was so disgusted by the amount of reflexes that were tested in the feet that I swore off neurology (and most of medicine) then and there. I am fine with all the injury pictures in the world, but when people post pictures of their feet, I want to barf. And the sound of bare feet rubbing on carpet makes my skin crawl and my teeth grind together.
10. I was in a fraternity (co-ed, professional Chemistry, but we actually pledged and did social stuff) in college and it gave me a great love for “your mom” jokes among other things. The problem is that sometimes it is not appropriate to whip out a your mom (sorry, Mollie) and it actually isn’t that funny. I also know an obscene number of Helen Keller jokes thanks to my big.
So, anyone else out there got a dirty mouth (and a dirty mind)? Please tell me I’m not the only one who fixates on hating a part of the human body. What’s your most embarrassing book (genre) that you love to read? What’s your favorite obscure insult?