Llama drama, which is not the same as a drama llama

We need a pet llama.

I heard on the radio that there have been coyotes sighted in the northern suburbs (where we are moving) and that they’ve been on a small pet eating spree because they are mating.  I have two small dogs, so I see this as a problem.  As often as I threaten to feed Delilah to a coyote, I wouldn’t actually be happy if that happened.  And those little effers jump fences, so it is a somewhat legit concern.

Somewhat, because I am a little nutty and tend to fixate on unlikely, but remotely possible disasters.  Don’t judge.

Anyways, my original thought was that I needed a nice small lady-like rifle, but my husband the buzzkill pointed out that I’d have to keep the ammo too far from the rifle to be able to use it on a coyote.  Also, I’d be counting on firing into the air and scaring it away.  And I’m not breaking up a coyote trying to eat Delilah fight with my fists and a butcher knife (I think we own one.  I should look in the kitchen sometime and see what’s there).  I also figured I wouldn’t be able to scare one off with my awesome human-ness since they snatch dogs off leashes.

Moving on, I made husband Google dealing with coyotes with me and we learned something important.  Lllamas are the natural enemy of coyotes.  Yes, that’s correct, llamas.  No, I don’t know how that happened.  I think they might be from different climates?  And, if we get a llama we can reenact Napoleon Dynamite (I actually hated that movie) and make sweaters out of its hair.

The scary part is that I had my husband half convinced that this was a great plan.  He said we’d have to do an alpaca, though because they are smaller.

My marriage is awesome.

I’ll be back on Monday.  I need the weekend to recover from the awesomeness that was my 3 hour glucose test.  Spoiler alert: they missed my vein twice (and dug around) during the second of four draws.  My arms hurt and I’ve never come that close to passing out in my life.  Also, I should stop watching when people stick me.

If you could keep any pet, what would it be?  And don’t try to just copy me and say capybara.  It’s been done.


About Sarah S @RunningOnWords

Married 20-something in flux and trying to cope by running and occasionally crafting.
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20 Responses to Llama drama, which is not the same as a drama llama

  1. lifeisarun says:

    Wow, ooohhh the things you can find out on the great google! It sounds like your marriage is awesome and you poor thing with the needles – yikes! Please stop looking when they are trying to stick me the thought of that hurts me for you!

  2. Terzah says:

    I actually like snakes. The constrictor kind. I remember we had a few in my sophomore bio classroom and were allowed to take them out and handle them. They were cool and pleasant and I liked them. But I don’t know that it’s really ethical to have a snake in the house.

    I’m sorry about the vein thing. Ugh. I was hoping that would be easier for you this time. Stupid glucose test.

  3. Kara says:

    You need an Anatolian Shepherd. Llamas smell like ass.

    I can’t imagine worrying about something trying to eat Peanut. I’d laugh my ass off if something tried.

    I think we all know I want a horse. A beautiful 30K Hanoverian please. Thanks.

  4. nikimiller says:

    No alpacas! Definitely go for the llama. Alpacas are stupid and worthless! (sorry if anybody really loves alpacas!). They do smell pretty bad though.

    I’ve always wanted a chameleon. They’re awesome, but a pain to keep.

  5. Laura says:

    Hilarious! I had no idea coyotes don’t like llamas. Sorry about the needle sticks… I’ve fainted twice when giving blood for that reason. My hands are quite veiny, but they can never find the one on my arm, so annoying!

  6. emily says:

    There are alpaca farms near me where people breed them. If you ever come to NC, we’ll go steal you one.

  7. emily says:

    Oh, and P.S. I still want a chinchilla.


  8. Raquelita says:

    My late father was a herpetologist, so I grew up with a number of unorthodox pets, like tortoises, chameleons, iguanas, snakes, as well as the more conventional dogs and hamsters. I think I’ll stick with Bailey for the time being.

  9. I had never even heard of a capybara until you and I had to google to see what the eff it was. No thank you. I want a unicorn. They are magical.

  10. Army Amy says:

    Can you make stuff out of llama hair or is that alpacas? Well, which ever one has the hair that you can knit and make sweaters out of is what I vote you should get.

    For the longest time I really wanted a chinchilla. They are so soft and cute. Then I saw one in a pet store, and it tried to bite me. That took care of that.*

  11. Ohhhhh get a llama! Please please! It would be so cool to know someone with a llama! Send me the wool and I will crochet you something! And don’t you think it would be so cute to have your little girl ride one!?

  12. Grace says:

    Haha, I love that the two of you can seriously discuss getting a guard llama.

    In an alternate world, I would have a pet pygmy elephant (honestly a real animal! see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borneo_Elephant). Maybe if I win the lottery I can buy a bunch of jungle and stock it with a couple pygmy elephant families? 🙂

  13. JenWa098 says:

    Um, Llamas also hate most dogs and will attempt to kill them. If they are an actual “guard” llama they don’t differentiate between canine species very well and may actually stomp your dogs to oblivion. My parents had a mountain lion get in with their sheep and after much research into the matter of guard animals they now have a great pyrenese guard dog. I think I am spelling pyrenese incorrectly, but I have only had one coffee today. Angry llamas also spit. And it smells like sewage.

  14. Mandy says:

    I’ve already told you how awesome it was that you were getting a llama.

    I want a horse or a dragon. What’s not to like about breathing fire?

  15. I’ve always had a thing for llamas, and meeting a few of them in Peru a few summers ago did nothing to quell the fascination. Now I learn that they’re natural enemies of coyotes? That settles it – time to move to Maine and buy a llama farm!

  16. aprilvak says:

    You know, I guess that does makes sense to me, that llamas are coyote enemies. The last house I lived in, my neighbor had flocks of chickens, and three llamas. We have plenty of coyotes in this area, but she never lost any chickens.

    As a former phlebotomist, I get so angry when people mess up somebody’s arm. If you know you can’t get the vein, let someone else do it!! I worked with a lot of incompetents, but they at least knew that.

    I would keep donkeys. I love donkeys.

  17. michelle says:

    I hated that move too. sucks. Alpacas though…pretty sweet. 🙂

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