Hope’s a bitch

I think the hardest thing about this NICU stuff is that I’m always so hopeful things will go just right.

If I was pessimistic, this would be easier.  No getting my hopes up that she’d stay off CPAP (I didn’t even know her going back on the first time was an option).  Sure, she’s been off breathing support for awhile (at least in NICU terms) and hasn’t been tube feed in almost 48 hours.

They told us last night to bring in the car seat today.  And then she dropped her oxygen saturation and heart rate during a feeding.  It was just once, but it counts.

Now the clock resets for 5 days.  Unless someone is feeling generous.

Fuck this.

And I will slap the first person who tells me it’s good that she’s “where she needs to be”.


About Sarah S @RunningOnWords

Married 20-something in flux and trying to cope by running and occasionally crafting.
This entry was posted in Leapster, NICU, Parenting, Preemie. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Hope’s a bitch

  1. emily says:

    HUGS! Let me know if you need cute animal pictures and I’ll send a bunch!

  2. Kara says:

    Would you drive all the way here to slap me? That might be worth it 🙂

    Maybe she heard they do Easter egg hunts in the NICU and she wanted to stay for that.

  3. ((HUGS)) Sarah! Anything I can do? Bring you some sushi? 🙂

  4. Mandy says:

    Words can’t express how much I feel for you. I love you and I’m hear to listen if you want to scream.

  5. Kari @ Running Ricig says:

    Oh man! I’m so sorry! Maybe you could just slap the hospital staff instead?

  6. Army Amy says:

    Sucko. I’m sorry, Sarah. My two cents: ain’t nothing wrong with being mad or wallowing. Hang in there, girl.*

  7. lcbilovesky says:

    Sending you hugs! So sorry. We’re all pulling for her.

  8. mrslltkings says:

    I can’t find the words to say what I want – I just hope that the next time she gets to go home.

  9. I love you….I’m so sorry for the disappointments and frustrations.

  10. Alyssa says:

    So sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how frustrating this must be. I’ll be thinking of you and crossing my fingers.

  11. Laura says:

    5 days?! After telling you to bring in the carseat?! Argh… how frustrating…

  12. We suffered through this as well. Passed the car seat challenge, everything was packed up and all of a sudden he started dropping his heart rate (which he hadn’t done since the first week in the NICU). I feel for you completely, been there, and I was a complete mess that day. To go from an extreme high to an extreme low….so so hard. Hang in there.

  13. That sucks! So sorry. I hope after the 5 days everything will be good.

  14. Terzah says:

    OK, so the bad thing about me reading this post four days late is that I missed it. I’m so sorry about that. But the good thing is that the five days is almost over. I hope that tomorrow, or sometime soon thereafter, brings the good news you guys deserve.

  15. Kathy R says:

    Oh man, sorry about the brady. There is definitely yo-yo hope in the NICU. I certainly am wondering how the past few days have gone …

  16. Daniele says:

    I just finished reading yoru blog (from beginning to end) yesterday. I love the realness of yoru blog:) I’m looking forward to more posts, but most of all I’m glad to see (from your twitter feed) that Charlotte is home!! Congratulations on becoming a parent-it’s a wild ride and filled with…well…it’s just full. Period. (Mine is almost 6 months and I already think parenting is the most challengeing, inspiring, boring and exciting (insert ANY adjetive here) thing I’ve ever done.)

  17. Daniele says:

    Really…why can’t I spell? it’s your…not yoru. I’m ashamed this is your first impression of me.lol.

  18. Pingback: 2012, now with (some) new pictures | Running On Words

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