A note on where we came from

It was never really a secret on this blog that we had a difficult time conceiving.  We were told I would never get pregnant without fertility treatment and that isn’t a sure thing.

14 months later, we found out we were really, really lucky.  I was fortunate to conceive without ART, but we were getting very close to finally taking the Clomid my gynecologist at the time was pushing.  I spent my entire (abbreviated) pregnancy holding my breath because I was so sure this would end in another loss.  And while I do have a baby in my arms finally, the pain and uncertainty of trying to conceive and pregnancy after infertility has never quite left my mind.

The hardest part about infertility was feeling like I was completely alone.  It’s not something people talk about openly and most people are woefully ignorant of infertility etiquette.  The worst part was that everyone felt free to ask us if we wanted kids or why it was taking us so long to get around to having them (we were married in 2007).  Those questions are, frankly, never appropriate.  And first person to ask about baby #2 will probably take a good hard knock to the head.

We were lucky to have this baby.  We aren’t assuming anything about being able to conceive another one (side note: we also realize I could get pregnant the first time if we have another baby, so we are still being careful.  Just because the first baby was easy/hard to conceive doesn’t mean that will be true the second time).  I’ve been lucky enough to at least get a real diagnosis, while so many infertiles are stuck with “unexplained” infertility, meaning they’ll never know what the cause is.  That being said, they probably can’t fix my septate uterus, so we assume that it could be a problem the next time.

Don’t ignore infertility and pregnancy loss. It’s time to start talking about it openly so we can remove the shame and loneliness that comes with it.


About Sarah S @RunningOnWords

Married 20-something in flux and trying to cope by running and occasionally crafting.
This entry was posted in Septate Uterus, TTC. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to A note on where we came from

  1. Alyssa says:

    Great post! People think that they are asking such an innocent question, and it’s really not. My friend was just asked last night about why she was waiting so long to have kids – “don’t you know infertility risks go up each year?”. SO RUDE. Sorry you had to deal with that, but now you have your adorable baby girl home with you 🙂

  2. Sue says:

    Very well said. It always seems like the universe’s cruelest joke that those who often would make the best parents struggle to conceive, or never do, while those who aren’t ready, or should not, conceive so easily.

  3. lcbilovesky says:

    We got the question a lot our first few years of marriage too but we ignored it. I started giving outlandish answers as to why we didn’t have them and it sometimes made people feel better. I have one person that asks every time I see her no matter how rude my last answer was. While we don’t know if there are infertility problems as we were never 100% sure we wanted kids, it is a rude question to ask of anyone. I am so glad things worked out so well for Charlotte and she is thriving! Can’t wait to meet her one day! 🙂

  4. Army Amy says:

    Such an important topic, and it’s obviously one that is personal for you. I’m really glad that I have found blogs that talk about infertility and some of the do’s and don’ts. I have a coworker who is dealing with fertility, and thankfully I’ve never unintentionally said something hurtful to her because I’ve read about it on blogs.*

  5. Sarah Brady says:

    Great blog topic! There are so many things that need to be talked about more so people understand rather than judge…

  6. Great post. When we were asked that question my Hubby always told everyone we are on the 10 year plan. That actually shut them up!

  7. Laura says:

    So true, Sarah. It took us over a year to conceive and I was amazed how few people were talking about infertility… I made a point to share it, because it was helpful/healing for me to have it out in the open. It’s definitely should not be ignored. That was one of the more challenging phases of my life so far.

  8. Mandy says:

    Wonderful post Sarah! I am smarter and more sensitive for having read your posts on this topic.

  9. Kara says:

    I love this post! Once I had a friend who had a hard time having a baby, I never ask anyone “Why don’t you have kids??” like an idiot (which I was before.)

  10. Pingback: About that “I” word… | Mommy, run fast!

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