Alright, time to fess up. Things were so insane around here when C was in the NICU that Delilah managed to get in to a glass of wine. And drink it.
Chocolate wine, of course. Cause she likes her toxins double.
Just so we are all clear, I don’t even drink chocolate wine. Actually, I don’t keep alcohol in the house anymore because I can’t have it and my husband’s been drunk twice in his life (I know, freak). And if I’m not having fun, then no one gets to have fun. Also, I think chocolate wine is just wrong. I like chocolate and I like wine. I even like them together, but not as a drink.
ANYWAYS (I am the queen of digression), an unnamed houseguest who was helping us out brought her own chocolate wine and left a glass of it sitting in the kitchen. And by in the kitchen, I mean on the windowsill above the kitchen sink. She then left it unsupervised.
Long time readers will remember that Delilah has been found more than once on top of a refrigerator and will realize that leaving a glass unsupervised anywhere in the kitchen is probably a mistake. My husband and I got home (from the hospital, I think) and a little while later said houseguest asked us if we had drunk her wine.
The “mystery” was solved a short while later when Delilah started flopping down strangely and then stumbled up the steps behind me. She tried to jump on the bed multiple times, but couldn’t quite make it. I really wish I would have grabbed the video camera, because it was hilarious. We had to take her out on a short walk to pee and she could barely stumble in a drunken curvy line. I kept hoping the neighbors wouldn’t see us because it was just plain ridiculous to behold and would have brought up way to many questions.
It’s all fun and games until the dog can’t stop getting up to pee, though. Alcohol shuts off a hormone that makes your kidneys retain water, so your bladder really does fill up faster (it’s not just in your head). Anyways, Captain Drunky couldn’t manage to tell us she had to pee, so she’d roll off the bed, wet the carpet, and then struggle to figure out how to jump back on the bed. I cannot emphasize enough how hilarious it was when she’d try to jump. I am an idiot for not whipping out the video camera. I could finally have fulfilled my goal of being a YouTube celebrity (the dog being one is close enough).
Anyways, before you all get your dogs wasted to see how funny it is, I should probably fill you in on the crappy part. I woke up a few hours after we all went to bed and Delilah’s respiratory rate was scary slow. I was about 5 minutes away from taking her to the emergency vet, but I got her to start breathing better after some food and water (alcohol can lower a dog’s blood sugar to dangerous levels). And I cannot condone intentionally giving a dog alcohol.
Anyways, I’m still slightly embarrassed that my dog is a waste case, but I maintain that this was in no way shape or form my fault. Also, if you come over to my house, you better guard your food and drink because my dog is possessed by a tiny demon.