11 months

I still can’t believe my little stinker is 11 months old.  Another preemie mom e-mailed me recently to check in because she’d heard preemie moms often struggle around a year.  I sort of blew that thought off until I realized that I had been feeling overly emotional lately.  Admittedly, I think my birth control is making me a hormonal lunatic (I can’t actually afford to get it removed and I have no other options if I do take it out, so I’m sort of stuck), but it’s been harder than normal lately. I heard someone I used to work with had a baby at 32 weeks and got really upset.  I didn’t know her that well (although I used to be friendly with her direct reports), but it really, really bothered me that she was going through it.  I’ve also been having a harder time talking about Charlotte’s birth lately.  I also don’t want certain people around because they just keep making me feel crappy about missing so much time with her at first.

The horror! (Her dad let her chew on a toy from my childhood that bled black dye)

It’s weird, because the NICU really is just an unpleasant vague memory at this point, but I’m still so angry about the way we were treated.  I keep wondering if that’s ever going to get better.  I also worry that her birthday will always just make me sad.  I feel like she deserved better than a birthday every 4 years in the worst month of the year (my hatred of February is legendary).  I’m sad that I can’t throw her birthday party at a park or the zoo like I’d imagined doing when I was pregnant and due in May. Then again, roller skating parties are bitchin’ and appropriate year round, so maybe we can work with that.  And at least February has a sweet birthstone.  And maybe she’ll love the Leap Day thing.  At least her birthday is memorable (you are welcome, future boyfriends/husband/etc)

This is a problem. Time to lower the crib. And no, she does not sleep in just a diaper, my husband was demonstrating that she will pull to standing in her crib right after we gave her a bath.

Meanwhile, approaching the year mark has given me this need to savor every moment.  I’m realizing that she won’t always curl up and sleep on me or think cuddling in bed is awesome.  She’s so crawling a little and I’m excited for her, but also sad because it means she doesn’t really want to be held anymore.  I’m going to be really sad when she no longer thinks I’m one of the funniest people on earth.  I’m not one of the creeps who wants to keep her a baby forever, but I want to remember and enjoy it while I can.

Crawling. I do not approve. We have way too many open outlets in this house.  We still have to take her pants off for her to be able to crawl, so at least there’s that.  Never mind, she can crawl with pants on now.  Crap.

It’s getting hard to remember what she was like in the hospital.  I can’t really visualize her at that size and it’s hard to believe she didn’t always have so much personality.  I see preemie clothing and they look so much smaller than I remember (she’s in 9-12 months now except for Osh Kosh).  It’s hard to believe she didn’t know how to smile and laugh for quite a while.  I’ve definitely blacked out the memory of getting up round the clock to pump and then to feed her once she was home (it’s probably better that way).

Operation No More Bottle is still a fail. She took an ounce out of the trainer sippy and then just screamed.

So what’s next for us?  A super awesome birthday party in February along with a visit from her favorite (only) aunt.  I’m guessing more teeth will be showing up soon based on the amount of chewing and drooling going on.  She’s mastered the high five, so I guess blowing kisses would be next? She says “hi” and “Dada” (there was also a rather sad attempt to say Rufus that came out “Ruru”), so I’m hoping for a mama soon.  Now that she’s getting teeth and refusing baby food I’m also thinking about all kids of wonderful things to feed her (kid loves ice cream already along with anything else she can steal off of my plate).

 

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About Sarah S @RunningOnWords

Married 20-something in flux and trying to cope by running and occasionally crafting.
This entry was posted in Leapster, Parenting, Preemie. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to 11 months

  1. Terzah says:

    I don’t think her birthday will always make you sad, because she will love it so much. And speaking as a winter birthday person with two winter birthday kids, it’s not so bad–indoor pools, crafts, lots of fun party possibilities. Seriously, birthdays are the best thing ever for kids (and, um, for some grown-ups too).

    She’s gorgeous and big and you guys have done a wonderful job. The first birthday (and the second for that matter) are all for the parents. Dan and I had a big party for Will and Ruthie’s first–maybe it was a little over the top but after what we’d been through, we just kind of wanted a party.

  2. TriGirl says:

    She is such a miracle baby! I love seeing how strong and healthy she is! Not that I can even try to relate, but I do think it’s good to acknowledge your feelings and really *feel* them, whatever they are. I bet she has a rad birthday party!

  3. Addison had a “super” day on her 1st birthday. She’s a leap baby too. She got to wear a crown to school and she had a magic wand. She still hasn’t quite figured out her birthday and that’s its different but her brother has and he thinks its pretty cool. Addison was only in the NICU for 13 days… it’s still difficult to think about her time there but it gets better. PS. Charlotte is adorable! But you probably already knew that!

  4. Army Amy says:

    I can’t believe her birthday is so near! I can see why you’d feel a mix of emotions. Hopefully happiness will overshadow some of the others on the big day.

    And now that she’s crawling? Oh, boy. Good luck! 😉 *

  5. Mandy says:

    You don’t such a great job of embracing her moments and remembering them all. I think her birthdays will become a great source of joy for you. Love you both!

  6. I think she will love her leap year birthday! There was a girl in my class that was born on leap year. It was super special when it was her birthday.

    I think you will enjoy Charlotte crawling. Once shes really crawling she will crawl to you and smile because she’s so happy to see you.

    We are in 12-18 month clothing which is nuts!

  7. Aww, happy 11 months! I didn’t think about all the emotions preemie moms must go through- makes a lot of sense. I hear you on the winter birthdays. L’s is January, and I am not a big fan of indoor winter parties. We lucked out this year that it was a gorgeous weekend, and changed her party to an outdoor park at the last minute which was great. But this may be our last year in Tx so we’ll be dealing with the snow and cold for most of her life. Anyway, enjoy celebrating her one year!

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